Mental Health Articles - 2010
- Holiday Grief
- New Year Resolutions
- Valentine Quiz
- Retirement
- Fear & The Economy
- Celebrating Differences
- Prayer & Mental Health
Taking Control of Our Grief During the Holidays
For some bereaved individuals, the most difficult time of the year is between November 25th and February 14th. Holiday moments that were once happily filled with our loved-one’s presence may now be poignant reminders of what was lost. Holidays without your beloved can magnify grief.
Taking control of your grief and making a plan of action that is right for you may help. The holidays are often difficult because the intensity of our grief surprises us. By taking a proactive stance in dealing with the holidays, we are getting a jump on any unexpected grief reactions.
One example of how to take control of your grief is the:
Holiday Memorial Wreath
Place a wreath flat on a table with four tapered candles in the center.
Recite, “As we light these four candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, and one for our love.
Light the first candle and say, “This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.”
Light the second candle and say, “This candle represents our courage: to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.”
Light the third candle and say, “This candle is in your memory: the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.”
Light the fourth candle and say, “This candle is the light of love. As we enter the holiday season, day-by-day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you, (then you can say the person’s name).” Amen.
When the New Year rolls around, do you dread that question, “Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions?” It wouldn’t be such a dreadful question except that you have made resolutions over and over only to break them a couple of weeks (or days) into the New Year. Perhaps all that’s needed is a little change in the way you think about resolutions. Here are five ideas for making your resolutions a valuable tool for improving your life instead of a frustrating formula for failure.
1. Be positive. Make sure you express your resolution in positive terms. Say what you want to do or accomplish. If there is a habit you want to change, express the new way you want to be doing things instead of what you want to avoid.
2. Ask for help. Sometimes a friend or family member can be your partner in working toward a change. This is especially true if they have already accomplished the change you are working toward. You can also consult an expert in the field of your habit (for example: finance, exercise or nutrition) for help in reaching your goal.
3. Expect an occasional setback. Don’t give up your resolution because you were unsuccessful one day or even one week. It is normal when forming a new habit to have setbacks.
4. Be patient. We are a culture of immediate rewards. Resist the message that this goal must be reached right away. A change for the better is worth waiting for.
5. Visualize what the change will mean. Use your creative imagination to experience how your new life with your new habits will benefit you. There is powerful motivation in experiencing your new life in your imagination.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
Relationships: the source of immense delight, the sources of untold frustration. We always know how our family and friends could make us happier. We’re not as drawn to thoughts of how we might build them up. Here’s a Valentine Quiz to prime your pump and let the loving ideas flow.
This is for all of you who love and are loved by another. For every “yes” response, affirm yourself for loving well. Any “no’s” will give you ideas on how to strengthen your relationship.
1) I hold eye contact longer than 2 seconds during our conversations together.
2) I sometimes say, “Tell me more. I’m interested.”
3) When I walk by, I sometimes extend a gentle touch.
4) I sometimes exclaim, “What a great __________ (idea, hamburger, outfit…)!”
5) I thank God for this person in my heart.
6) (Extra credit) I sometimes tell this person about my prayer of thanks.
If it‘s hard for you to give expressions of loving care, you may want to find out what might free you up. A Samaritan Counselor can help.
Retirement can be a well-deserved and long anticipated period of time for many people. Others may feel at a loss without the daily structure provided by employment and family commitments. There is some concern among retirees and their loved ones about what the next chapter of life will bring.
Retirement represents a distinct period of time; it can be thought of as the time when we no longer participate in the daily grind and are free to pursue travel or leisure interests instead. Thoughts or discussion when planning retirement can also spark concern about finances, health issues, and long-term living arrangements.
There are many benefits to planning your retirement and sharing your future desires with loved ones. It can help alleviate common anxieties related to the aging process and enhance family relationships.
How do you plan for retirement? It is a simple process, yet sometimes challenging because it is not something everyone thinks about in detail.
1. Think about how you would like to spend your time. Consider mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, and social needs.
2. Address any challenges you might encounter. Think about seeking help with family or health problems.
3. Be realistic and proactive about finances. Meet with a financial planner and design a budget.
Recent economic events in our country have generated fears in the hearts and minds of many people. Realistically the value of our assets and possibly our income has diminished. The catastrophic collapse of the economy necessitated the government to bail out certain segments of the business world. This has developed fear in our minds that we are not going to be able to cope with the consequences. Furthermore, we don’t get the story right and confusion and skepticism intensifies the fear.
What can provide us with peace of mind in such a time as this?
Realism is a workable approach.
First of all, identify the facts. Separate the truth from fiction. Banish thoughts of what might happen and similar thoughts such as “what if?” Make a list of options with advantages and disadvantages as a practical guide to making important decisions.
Live in the present moment. Distractions with thoughts from the past and fears about tomorrow rob us of today.
Pray. Remind yourself of the care of the Lord who looks after the birds of the air and lilies of the field. If you ask the Lord for bread, will He give you a stone? Have faith that the Lord will provide.
Don’t settle for the idea that you can’t manage. Yes, you can. Tell yourself, “I can handle this.” There is a solution.
However, if you cannot find a satisfactory solution on your own, don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all have times in life when we can use a little help. If this is one of those times, professional help might just be the solution, someone who can help sort through the fear and confusion. A Samaritan Counselor can help.
“Unity in diversity” seems like it should be a college motto or a ministry mission statement. But how can we achieve it? The phrase sounds fine, but it is challenging to accomplish. Most often diversity leads to disagreement. Our differences cause us to see division and lead us to “us and them” mentality.
Is there a way to move from a mindset where differences divide us to a way of thinking that we are richer and better equipped because we are not all the same?
Maybe the pathway and progression could look like this:
Step 1. Focus on Common Ground. We all share common beliefs of a common purpose or at the very least we share our humanity.
Step 2. Respect our Differences. When we are stuck in “us and them” mentality we tend to be judgmental. We can improve our outlook if we remember that different doesn’t mean wrong.
Step 3. Learn About Our Differences. Often the reason we judge is that we do not understand.
Step 4. Celebrate Our Differences. We can move from respecting people who are different into recognizing the benefits of having different choices and viewpoints represented.
Step 5. Celebrate Synergy. When we work together with those who are different, we will be able to come up with something greater than My way or Your way. There are possibilities of tremendous creative power for problem solving if we learn to work together.
Over the years there have been many studies showing how prayer can positively affect both mental and physical health. From a scientific point of view no one quite understands, but double blind studies have shown the efficacy of prayer. As Christians, we understand there is a higher power that responds to us, listens to us and cares for us. We have been taught this and many of us have experienced it from childhood.
From the point of view of mental health, the positive effects of prayer make perfect sense. The goals of a solid prayer life and one essential element of mental health are the same: to be connected and to feel accepted and loved by another person. In order to be healthy we need to be connected. Prayer is the way we nurture our connection to God. Prayer is talking with God the same way we would talk with our best friend. As we share our deepest concerns with God, we sense God caring for us. All God wants is for us to have a solid relationship with Him. When we turn to God and receive blessings of help and care from Him in prayer, we improve our spiritual and mental health.
One way to practice our prayer life and our mental health is to pull up a chair in front of us and begin talking as if God is sitting right in front of us. As we develop our friendship with God, conversing with Him, we will deepen our spiritual life and strengthen our mental health.
Another aspect of mental health is learning to care for others and give to others. This means to think less about ourselves and think more about the needs of others. There is no greater way to develop this caring than through praying for others. The more you pray for others, the more you will think about them at other times, and the more you will actually want to do for them.
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607-754-2660
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